Lately, I have been working with quite a few clients on writing dating profiles. Most every guy can easily understand how to use my system. When it comes down to it my system is pretty simple, and it is useful for one primary thing: To market yourself in the best manner when it comes to online dating. The system is not meant to be a shortcut into every woman’s pants. There is no way you will ever get every woman you want. The only thing you can control is how efficiently you can get what you want. This is why you need to focus on bettering your communication skills and developing the values, principles, and inner game to ensure success.
Most people ask the wrong questions (when coming to me or other dating coaches for advice). They ask the questions: “What do I say to get the girl?” or “What do I do to get the girl to like me?” These are the wrong questions to ask. Now, you do need to know how to effectively communicate what you want, and for online dating you need to know how to effectively market yourself. However, you need to know many other things first. In reality, knowing how to communicate is one of the easiest parts of successful dating. The hard part is developing the foundation: values, principles, and inner game.
What is the real first question you should ask? The better first question is: What do I want? (Instead of wondering what THEY want). Here is the deal: You will NEVER know what THEY want or like or think or makes them wet. Stop worrying about trying. Also, if you do not know what you want, then you are shooting in the dark. How do you know what goal to reach if you don’t even know the goal? Think very hard about what you want. Define it. Write it down. Be VERY specific. What kind of girl do you want? Now, disregarding their looks, what else do you want? What personality traits? What values? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Serious? Long-term? Short-term? One night stand? Casual sex? Friends with benefits?
Now that you know what you want, you can now build that foundation. First off, let’s focus on your core values. You need at least two. These two are honesty and self-respect (respecting others is important too). You need to be honest with yourself about what you want, who you are, and what really makes you happy. Forget about all of that bullshit about being rich or dating nines and dimes. Figure out what you really want. Once you master that, be honest with everyone else. Learn to look everyone you meet in the eye and tell them exactly what you think or feel. Now, be tactful, but be honest and open with people. This will lead to a much real interaction with everyone, including members of the opposite sex. Also, you will have much less stress and anxiety inside your head from keeping up with your own lies. Let’s make this very simple: Think out loud. Do this especially around women. Let them know what you want, who you are, and what you want from them UPFRONT.
Once you are honest with yourself, it is easy to know your limitations, faults, and attractive qualities. It becomes much easier to love yourself for who you are. You need this sense of self-respect and self-honesty to feel comfortable around people. This is the key to relaxing and having self-confidence. You know yourself, you accept yourself, and you are comfortable in your own skin. If someone disrespects your boundaries or contradicts what you want for yourself, you need to protect your boundaries. Be direct with them. Be honest. This upfront honesty and demand for respect will cause people to be honest and to respect you. This is the core of being a man.
Now that you know what you want, are completely upfront and honest about it to yourself and others, and demand respect for your person, you can now go for what you want. Here are the rules to live by:
1. Put your own interests, wants, and self before others
2. Make sure everything is consistent with what you want, or confront the problem honestly or walk completely away if necessary
3. Don’t care about what others think or listen to what they say while going for what you want
4. Always be moving every situation forward: Always be closing
Once you know what you want, are open and honest about it, and have defined boundaries, then these rules will help you reach your goals and maintain your boundaries, values, and self-respect. Don’t ever be short-sighted. If you think that being dishonest, disrespectful (to yourself especially), or that if you do what women say you should to get with them (you may or may not) but you will most likely lose in the end.
This inner game system is easy and simple (though it could possibly take years to “get it”). You just have to know what you want and go for it. Persist, persist, persist (until she slaps you in the face, stops talking to you, or fucks you). Think about it… If you “fuck up” with women it usually comes down to this: She is not interested (you know this right away if you are open and honest); stuff happens that you don’t want (because you let it); you act like a wussy and she moves on (because you either lied, or you supplicated because you kept giving her what she said she wanted); or you stalled out because you were a pussy (because you were too afraid to escalate and close the deal. This also comes from the fact that you care about what she thinks.).
These rules and this mindset is essential to being successful with women. Study it carefully. It seems simple (and it is) but it is the mindset that will separate chumps from players.
Here are some other coaches I recommend for this subject:
WATCH THIS!!! This is a very important speech on the mindset:
Here is his website. Get his book, watch and listen to his videos and podcasts:
Alan Roger Currie
Go to his website. Buy his books and listen to his podcasts:
After you absorb all of this, go ahead and signup for some of my personal coaching if you haven’t already.